oh yeah, and also...

Thanks to my friends who have given me some additional suggestions for what I should look for in a man:

• ability to do their own laundry
• can cook more than using the microwave to heat a meal
• notices that they have dragged mud all over the kitchen floor
• looks at people in the eye when talking to them
• wears matching shoes
• believes that there is good in the world
• loves holidays
• is willing to hold my hand when we are on a plane
• thinks it is endearing that I still get scared during thunderstorms
• inherently knows to turn the music down in the car when it is raining hard
• when a light bulb goes out, changes the bulb without having to be asked
  
• unconditionally loves me, my daughter and my dog
  

What I Need.... What I Want

The other night my daughter and I were having a conversation between needs and wants becasue of some book we were reading. And it made me start to think about what I need / want in my date.

After looking at some of the online dating sites and seeing what they ask you to fill in about your potential date, I came to some conclusions about my potential date:

The MUST haves:

• male
• live within 30 miles of me (I may be a bit flexible on this one)
• speaks English
• interested in getting married one day
• happy about dating someone who has a child
• understands that no matter what, my child comes first
• non-smoker
• does not live with a cat (due to my insane cat allergies)
• values family
• is honest and faithful
• has a sense of humor
• values education
• is on the liberal side of the political spectrum

The IT WOULD BE NICE IF HE:

• came from bigger family then me (I am an only child)
• either has children or wants children (interested in possibly adopting)
• would want to shovel my driveway when it snows (just kidding, or at least kidding a little bit)
• has a job that he loves
• loves holidays as much as I do
• likes to travel
• is willing to go to Disney and at least pretend he loves it

and the things that would be DEFINITE DISQUALIFICATIONS:

• still married
• smoker
• does drugs
• drinks regularly
• very conservative
• very religious
• control or neat freak

and the things I don't really care too much about:

• height
• weight
• job / occupation (as long as he has one!)
• ethnicity
• hair color
• eye color

So if anyone is out there in the universe is listening right now and wants to send this man my way, and save me the pain of dating, please do so!

Online dating ads

So I thought I would start this endeavor by looking at some online dating ads from guys in my age bracket and general geographic area as well as some of my 'competition'. What an eye opening expereince.

First, let's start with the user names that the men choose....

• there are the straight-forward ones like Jeff4267 or MattB7134
• then there are the ones that say what people like skibuff5689 or BruinsFan09
• then there are the ones that make you go hmmmmmm like ilovesleep or aloneallthetime

For men it does not seem to be that big of a deal. The majority choose their name with some number combo.

For woman it is an entirely different world.

• About one quarter choose their names or their name with a number.
• Some choose what they like to do... shopaholic357 or trailblazer4
• Then there are the rest... from the sluty to the sickenly sweet: hotbabe6785, twinklelittlestar, joyrider, sweetandhot.

When I first signed on to Match.com back in the 90's, before I was married and it was a new thing, it was pretty easy. No one used their real name, no one had a photo up (if you wanted to put a photo up, you had to mail one in!), and everyone's email address was something like lovestodance @ aol.com. Back then I think my user name was something like AvenueCgirl, as that was the club I hung out at.

Now I have to decide, do I use my name? a nickname? something cute? Is using my name so bad? Especially since my photo will be up there for all to see? Ugh! So many decisions to make before January 1st!

Step One: Deciding to Date

Two nights ago I had a dream that I was on a double-date with Edward & Bella from Twilight (must have been all the pre-New Moon hype). I could not make out who my date was, but I was having fun, laughing and enjoying myself at dinner somewhere.... and hopefully I was not the dessert. I woke up feeling happy and content.

So then I realized that:
1 - I am a social being
2 - I liked being married (when it was good)
3 - I like having someone to share my life with
4 - I want someone in my life
5 - I can survive dating again

So now what? Do I just hope that I find someone? Do I make an effort to meet men? Where does one go to meet men when you are 39, a mom, work full-time, go to grad school, own a home by yourself and have very little spare cash?

I admit, I have no idea.



So what are the options????

1- tell all my friends I am ready to date and hope that they have someone to introduce me to
2- join an online dating site like match.com
3- go to one of the local matchmakers
4- attend speed-dating events

I have no idea which I will choose at this point. Decisions, decisions.

So I now find myself in the land of checking the left ring finger of every man I talk to. I try to smile more in general and strike up conversations with people where ever I go.

Dating at 39 with a 5 year old daughter will be an experience. Some comedy. Some drama. Some chaos. Some stress. Either way, I hope I am ready. I know I do not want to be alone forever, and I am not getting any younger, so here I go. I will make the leap and jump head first into this dating world.

For now I think I will tell some friends and see if they have any possibilities for me. The holidays, a 20-page final paper and my house-warming party will keep me more than busy this month. If nothing seems promising, I will do something more significant on January 1st.... join a dating service, go see the local matchmaker or something else. Who knows what life will bring me?